Excerpts from Wuthering Heights

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same..."

"If all else perished and he, remained, I should still continue to be, and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger."


"Your bliss lies in inflicting misery."

"I'll try to break their hearts by breaking my own."

***Word of the Day***

jejune adj 1: lacking nutritive value *2: devoid of significance or interest: dull 3: juvenile, puerile

*The debate between the two candidates was uninformative and jejune, giving the audience no new insight on their stances on the important issues.

Wasteland- by Augustana

Now I'm sitting on a plane, lonely flight back to LA
Don't come back with me
So I'll drink myself to sleep, cut my skin until I bleed
Hold my breath all the night

Cause it's 5 o'clock, the hour stops the sunlight
And the buildings shade the masquerade and kill time

Hear the sound, she was naked on the ground
Till I whispered in her ear
Come away, watch the dawn break through the day
Till the sun is underneath

Cause it's 5 o'clock, the hour stops the sunlight
And the buildings shade the masquerade and kill time
Here we're nothing more than fools and whores and sad highs
Through the summer sand, we're living in a wasteland

It's a wasteland...
It's a wasteland...
It's a wasteland...
For me...

We're nothing more than fools and whores and sad highs
Through the summer sand, we're living in a wasteland

We're nothing more than fools and whores and sad highs
Through the summer sand, we're living in a wasteland

It's a wasteland...
It's a wasteland...
It's a wasteland...
For me...
For me

***Word of the Day***

erumpent adj: bursting forth

Amid the dull noise of the crowd was heard an erumpent voice calling out, "Make way for the queen!"

***Word of the Day***

innocuous adj 1: producing no injury: harmless *2: not likely to give offense or to arouse strong feelings or hostility: inoffensive or insipid

Harry insisted that the cartoon he drew of Professor Chase for the school newspaper was innocuous and only meant in good fun.

Santa Barbara is in my near future. I planned a trip for this weekend with the sole purpose of escape. It's been far too long since I've left the dear state of Nevada and I think the drive to the coast will be refreshing. I invited Casey, Jeff, and Wes but that doesn't mean any of them will be joining me, yet I don't think I would mind the trip all by my lonesome.
I absolutely plan on going to the beach and the weather forecast is said to be sunny and 70! I'll hit up the down town for some shopping and hopefully get a taste of the SB night life. I know a couple of girls who go to school out there so hopefully we will be able to meet up. I feel like being rambunctious and I don't plan on being disappointed.

On a side note, I got my first speeding ticket yesterday...rather unfortunate. I still need to call and find out how much it is going to cost me; hopefully not an arm and a leg.

Last night I went to see Minus the Bear. The show was more amazing than I had expected and those guys really put on a good show. This, of course, could have been influenced by the amount of gin in my system but I still maintain that I was sober enough to stand up and thus could groove to some slammin' music!

An excerpt from Summer Angel-Minus the Bear
"Poppies swayed while she spun on how she fell in love.
When in Rome, c'est la vie, when over seas; however you want.
We leaned closer and she finally threw me the life raft;
She pulled me in and kept me right until the night left."

Work is slow today so I feel free to write...this post is becoming lengthy as a result.
Here are more lyrics because I'm totally into Minus the Bear right now...

Double Vision Quest

Caught in the locked groove of this long season
These hours motions circle, still repeating
The beat moves on itself
The beat moves on itself

Everyday my love
Crazy, crazy days are gone
When I come home
And we're finally alone

I'm caught in your arms safe from a morning
No one walks out on the tightrope today my love
The beat moves on itself
The beat moves on itself

Everyday my love
Crazy, crazy days are gone
When I come home
Crazy, crazy days are gone
When I come home

We awoke at the edge of a summer
New days began to stretch their legs
And the tempo's changing the compliancy
The needle finds the groove to free us tonight

We awoke on the edge of this winter
The ice melts off and flows in like a song
The record plays but the needles old
It lets the player take control

Move the speakers how they're told
To make us march for something more
Music is a sedative
And you put out what you put in

***Word of the Day***

egregious-adj: conspicuous; especially: conspicuously bad

"Fashionistas eyed one another and mentally cataloged and egregious faux pas of their peers, such as wearing things so clearly 'last year'."
---Shelley Preston, The Ledger, September 20, 2004

This made me so happy...

Rufio: Boil-dripping, beef, fart-sniffing bubble butt!
Kids: Bangarang, Rufio!
Peter Banning: Someone has a severe ca-ca mouth, you know that?
Rufio: You are a fart factory, Slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!
Kids: [in unison] Ugh!
Peter Banning: Substitute chemistry teacher.
Lost Boy: Come on, Rufio, hit him back.
Rufio: Mung tongue.
Peter Banning: Math tutor.
Rufio: Pinhead.
Peter Banning: Prison barber.
Rufio: Mother lover.
Peter Banning: Nearsighted gynecologist.
Rufio: In your face, camel cake!
Peter Banning: In your rear, cow derrière.
Rufio: Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig.
Peter Banning: You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude.
Thud Butt: [with the rest of the Lost Boys] Bangarang, Peter!
Rufio: You... you man! Stupid, stupid man!
Peter Banning: Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you eat me! You two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin' paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!
Don't Ask: What's a paramecium brain?
Peter Banning: I'll tell you what a paramecium is! That's the paramecium! It's a one-celled critter with no brain, that can't fly! Don't mess with me man, I'm a lawyer!
Kids: [chanting] Banning, Banning, Banning is bangerang.
Rufio: Rufio! Rufio!
Peter Banning: Oh, Rufio, why don't you just go suck on a dead dog's nose.

***Word of the Day***

impecunious adj: having very little or no money usually habitually: penniless

Unable to afford his own books, my impecunious uncle usually ends up borrowing mine and failing to return them.

T.S. Eliot continued...

"poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality."


It is incredible how this completely encompasses my writing as of late. The only thing I want to do is escape my emotions and personality...so I write. I write to be loosed from the things that bind. I write to be separate. I write to be free!

La Figlia Che Piange (the weeping girl) -T.S. Eliot

Stand on the highest pavement of the stair --
Lean on a garden urn --
Weave, weave the sunlight in your hair --
Clasp your flowers to you with a pained surprise --
Fling them to the ground and turn
With a fugitive resentment in your eyes:
But weave, weave the sunlight in your hair.


So I would have had him leave,
So I would have had her stand and grieve,
So he would have left
As the soul leaves the body torn and bruised,
As the mind deserts the body it has used.
I should find
Some way incomparably light and deft,
Some way we both should understand,
Simple and faithless as a smile and a shake of the hand.


She turned away, but with the autumn weather
Compelled my imagination many days,
Many days and many hours:
Her hair over her arms and her arms full of flowers.
And I wonder how they should have been together!
I should have lost a gesture and a pose.
Sometimes these cogitations still amaze
The troubled midnight, and the noon's repose.

The Patterns of Me

It is almost uncanny how I allow myself to fall in and out of patterns. I exhaust myself with indecision. I so easily come undone. I truly suffer from loneliness and it is completely self-inflicted. Such irony.

I miss things that I once despised. I build such high walls that I'm unable to see the other side. I'm a frightened child who's only desire is to fall with tear filled eyes into mommy's arms. Such sensitivity.

I ache to be loved but shun it at the drop of a hat. I desire to be a woman of grace but participate in lewd behavior that reflects no such respect on my personality. I crave respect but never seem to give it in return. Such failure.

***Word of the Day***

kingmaker n: one having great influence over the choice of candidates for political office

The businesspeople contributing copious amounts of money to his campaign will be the kingmakers if he goes on to win the election.

Soaking up some Sylvia

"I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between."

"Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything it is because we are dangerously near wanting nothing."

"Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted."

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am."

~Sylvia Plath

An Ironic Statement

"Sometimes I wish I was in a relationship just so songs could mean something personal to me." ~John Mauhler June 27, 2007

Your Latest Game

Not saying what you mean
Unable to find a place
where truth is found

Misleading for no reason
To gain reaction
To build hate

Forced to keep up
or be left behind
the times and your latest game

Wishing for misfortune
for a downfall that kills
that rips you open, left broken

Pain-filled pills
will no longer fullful
the emptiness from which you run

You will be entraped
You will be without
You will be alone

***Word of the Day***

minatory adj: having a menacing quality: threatening

Billy wanted to climb the fence into the neighbor's yard to retrieve his ball, but he was dissuaded by the minatory glare or the neighbor's dog.

A little love from my Mom

Finish each day and be done with it
You have done what you could
Some blunders and absurdities have crept in
Forget them as soon as you can
Tomorrow is a new day
You can begin it serenely and with too high a spirit
To be encumbered with your old nonsense
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

***Word of the Day***

bona fides n 1: good faith: sincerity 2: evidence of one's good faith or genuineness 3: evidence of one's qualifications or achievements

If you still have doubts about Rob's bona fides as a lawyer, you should hear all the good things his past clients have said about him.

It is quite a shock to wake up one morning and realize that you hate every aspect of who you are as a person.
After a slap in the face from someone who has shown you what you really look like in the mirror as opposed to how you've been viewing yourself for many months on end is no painless task.
It's a battle, it's dirty, filthy war and it seems there will be no getting out of this one.
The unfortunate feeling of betrayal...you've been lying to yourself again and it was bad...so bad.

Lying to yourself most definitely causes you to lie to everyone around you.
It's hurtful, without a doubt, and in the search for finding who you've really become, those closest to you are often trampled under your weight of lies and deceit.

I'm still trying to find the truth about myself and feel like it is the longest journey...it's as though I've been on this road forever and there's no end in sight.
My lies have trampled countless people
My insecurities have driven them away
My needs will always be left unmet
My desires will never be satiated
My heart will remain broken
My true self will never reach the surface

Yet again I'm drowning in the pool of depression I create for myself.
I can't breath, I can't eat, I can't sleep...
and to what end?
What will be my end?