***Word of the Day***

addiction n 1: being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming 2:an abnormally strong craving

The young man wasn't able to deny his addiction after his cravings for drugs became overwhelmingly painful.

***Word of the Day***

frisson n: a brief moment of emotional excitement: shudder or thrill

The emotionally charged scene adds a frisson of tension to the play's final act.

New Apartment

Moving was stressful to say the least. I hope that I won't have to do it again anytime soon although I think a certain someone has different plans in regards to that subject. I personally don't want to move again in three months; this is mainly due to that massive amounts of furniture that I own. Maybe I should start separating myself from all of my material items and thus become some sort of vagabond and live out of my car...it could be a viable option and a much less expensive style of living.

It was unfortunate having to come back to work after my long weekend. Rachel was passionate in her effort to punish me for taking a few days off...which obviously made her life too stressful to bare (Grrrr). My frustration with her grows on a daily basis. Hopefully she'll realize that she needs to start acting like an adult...considering she's almost 40...

I think I need to go out of town for a while. Pahrump/Vegas are starting to wear me down. This weekend I get to go to Utah for Dan's graduation from SUU so that should be a slight relief. I'm hoping for nice weather and good company.
Otherwise, California has been on my mind. I could use a long weekend on the beach. Now if only my friends wouldn't be such flakes.

I'll be posting pictures of the new house as soon as I get a little more organized...as of right now it looks like a tornado rolled through that place. To tell the truth, I am slowly becoming overwhelmed at the thought of having to organize all of it again...if only I could throw a little bippity boppity boo into the mix so I wouldn't have to work so hard. Back to my main point...I hate moving with my entire heart.

For a relationship to stay alive, love alone is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining.
~James Hillman


This is interesting...http://gillgirl12.xanga.com/oh my old blog in high school...I seemed to only be able to write about loneliness and the next time I was going back to Michigan. I'm glad my writing has grown in it's subject matter at least slightly. There are some pretty good pictures on there though so take a peek.

Excerpt from All Hail the Heartbreaker-Spill Canvas

I will sleep another day
I don't really need to anyway
What's the point when my dreams are infected
With words you used to say
I will breathe in a moment
As long as I keep my distance
I wouldn't want to go messing anything up

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door

The Runaways

Leaving life behind
with no tying thread
in sight

The runaways ravish
their own ambitions;
their own ability to fly

Separate from American
society they break
free from all familiarity

No notification is ideal
No realization is better
No contact is perfection

To completely disappear
from the lives they live
The runaways pursue desire

***Word of the Day***

cacography n 1: bad spelling 2: bad handwriting

The letter was marred by cacography and poor punctuation among other flaws.

***Word(s) of the Day***

1. immure v a1:to enclose within or as if within walls b:to imprison 2: to build into a wall; especially: to entomb in a wall

The princess was immured in the tower, waiting for the prince to rescue her.

2. garrulous adj 1. pointlessly or annoyingly talkative 2. wordy

The Carters' garrulous young babysitter rattled off every detail of her evening before finally delivering their phone messages.
This is also the definition of one of my coworkers...I plan on using this word often and thoroughly.

***Word of the Day***

attitudinize v: to assume an affected mental attitude: pose

She kept her position; she seemed absorbed in the view. "Is she posing is she attitudinizing for my benefit?" Longueville asked of himself.
---Henry James, Confidence

1 2 3

1. Frustration swells
to burst at any moment
With no outlet
to satiate the pressure
There's no relief
in my blinded sight

2. Communication's lost
on the small minded
Too worried about
the problems they create
Not realizing their
negative the affect

3. Life changes
whether we say
yes or no
The flood of ambiguity
overwhelms and pulls
my mind like a drowning soul

***Word of the Day***

flout v: 1: to treat with contemptuous disregard:scorn 2: to indulge in scornful behavior

The Department of Labor cracked down on businesses that flouted the child labor laws.

The Realm of Feeling Free

Cigarettes for breakfast
lunch and dinner
She knows the risk.
Death on a stick,
But the smooth drawl
has its intriguing appeal...

The lightheaded breathe
becomes a distraction
from what's real
And the lingering
scent is a reminder
of what's familiar...

It's completely personal
Nothing for them to see,
to judge, to scream their opinion.
An escape, a simple flight
into the realm of feeling free...

***Word of the Day***

myrmidon n: a loyal follower; I especially: a subordinate who executes orders unquestioningly or unscrupulously

Our former boss was more likely to offer promotions to her myrmidons that to those workers who occasionally question her tactics or proposed alternate solutions.

***Word of the Day***

Hobson's choice: n an apparently free choice when there is no real alternative

Reportedly, Model T manufacturer Henry Ford once offered this Hobson's choice: "Any customer can have a car painted any color that he wants so long as it is black."

The Endless Night

Cigarette
burning at its blackend tip

Casino
bustling with sinful commotion

Cards
waiting for the Jack and Ace

Coins
clink* clink* jingle*

Chips
waxing and waning with each hand

Coctails
burdenous to their servers

Consciousness
or lack there of

Coffee
recovery from the endless night

In Regards to thoughts about the TRUTH

I realize that I have been abusing my posting priviledges today, but my mind has been in a whirl, while at the same time work has been delightfully dull.

A friend said "tell me something true", and to my dismay I could hardly come close to confessing something profound.
For some time now I have avoided truth in its every form-
pushing it to the back of my mind in order to fight the overwhelming aspect of fear and ambiguity that the truth often entails.

I feel as if I could write so much more about this...but I'll pause and let Walt Whitman do a little bit of the talking...

O ME, man of slack faith so long!
Standing aloof—denying portions so long;
Only aware to-day of compact, all-diffused truth;
Discovering to-day there is no lie, or form of lie, and can be none, but grows as
inevitably
upon
itself as the truth does upon itself,
Or as any law of the earth, or any natural production of the earth does.

(This is curious, and may not be realized immediately—But it must be realized;
I feel in myself that I represent falsehoods equally with the rest,
And that the universe does.)

Where has fail’d a perfect return, indifferent of lies or the truth?
Is it upon the ground, or in water or fire? or in the spirit of man? or in the meat and
blood?

Meditating among liars, and retreating sternly into myself, I see that there are really no
liars or
lies after all,
And that nothing fails its perfect return—And that what are called lies are perfect
returns,
And that each thing exactly represents itself, and what has preceded it,
And that the truth includes all, and is compact, just as much as space is compact,
And that there is no flaw or vacuum in the amount of the truth—but that all is truth
without
exception;
And henceforth I will go celebrate anything I see or am,
And sing and laugh, and deny nothing.

ALL IS TRUTH---BY WALT WHITMAN

***Word of the Day***

nodus- n: a complication or difficulty

The main nodus of the city's plan to close one of the elementary schools is how to pay for the extra busing required to transport the students out of their district.

Buttercup Festival

It's not so bad at all-Matt Pond PA

Graceless, falling slipping in the cold
with no one looking,
can anybody see
The whole of your decency under the snow
when you land, when you land
know all there is to know

Splinters trigger
pain inside your thumb
Don't give way to it
till the axe has swung
you're carelessly catching the strings while you play
relax, relax
Let your silence have its say

I dreamed of being alone
it's not so bad at all
alone alone
it's not so bad at all

I sleep with my clothes
I sleep with my shoes on
the sheets are twisted
getting in the way
i stare at the carpet
it's stained by the sun
come on, come on
Let this silence have its say

I dreamed of being alone
it's not so bad at all
alone, alone
it's not so bad at all

---- sleeping became useless when the thought had hit my mind

---- the markings from your socks impressing skin into design

Baby Come On --- +44

She's a pretty girl. She's always falling down.
And I think I just fell in love with her,
But she won't ever remember, remember.

And I can always find her at the bottom of a plastic cup.
Drowning in drunk sincerity.
A sad and lonely girl.

Quit crying your eyes out.
Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on.
Isn't there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on.
Quit crying your eyes out, Baby.

And she said,
I think we're running out of alcohol. Tonight, I hate this fucking town.
And all my best friends will be the death of me,
But they won't ever remember, remember.

So please take me far away, before I melt into the ground.
And all my words get used against me.
This sad and lonely girl.

Quit crying your eyes out.
Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on.
Isn't there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on.
Quit crying your eyes out, Baby.

Quit crying your eyes out.
Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on.
Isn't there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on.
Quit crying your eyes out.
Isn't there something familiar about me?
Quit crying your eyes out.
The past is only the future with the lights on.
So quit crying your eyes out, Baby.

It goes without saying

It goes without saying that misery is sly
suppression can only hold so long
it will ooze through your pores
to every one's disgust
then linger in the atmosphere
til all pleasantries disappear